lost without You, and its true.

with Christmas and then Youthquake right after that, i have no time to tell you about what happened.
lets just sum it all up, God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

this year was rougher than it was last year.
but one thing i know, is that i went through tougher, rougher times knowing that i'm a stronger woman. (well, technically, i'm not exactly a woman. HAHA. but for the nice-ness of reading, i just use it lah, k? :P )
stronger because of what didn't kill me, but what made me stronger.
stronger because i was weak but i was found just in time.
stronger because my God is might to save.
even when i was in the deepest, darkest pit of my life(at that moment, of course), my mighty Saviour saved me.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound! that saved a wretch like me. i once was lost, but now am found. was blind, but now i see." indeed, indeed. (:

honestly, Christmas this year lost its meaning for me.
i kept myself busy 'serving' God.
found myself back to square one, feeling exhausted(maybe not physically)

so Christmas was done and over.
after all the church services, gatherings at relatives house, and the hoo-hah's,
i had to leave for Youthquake on the 26th.
wasn't really pleased with the idea, but i definitely was pleased that i was going to Youthquake, alright!

to cut the story short, i didn't feel God the entire camp. this was the driest camp in my whole entire life, i suppose.
BUT, i did learn some stuff. and i talked to God even though i couldn't hear Him.
i felt hope despite the pain.
but during the last day, last altar call, i had faith.
i just went to the front and wanted to be prayed for (i missed the last night altar call cause i didn't feel like it. yeah, dumb of me.)

i stood there for awhile, but no one came to pray for me. that was when (probably the first time in my whole entire life) i started questioning God. i asked Him if that was a joke. if He just wanted me to go in front as a step of faith. i asked if i was deceiving myself. i thought maybe He didn't call me at all...
but i waited anyway, i waited cause i know that my God wouldn't do such a thing. anyhow, i'll learn something from standing in front there anyway. just when i said "since the person has finished praying, if she doesn't come pray for me, i'll turn around and walk away.", the helper came and prayed for me.

she asked if there was anything she could pray for. i said no. so she just started praying.
and no, there was no 'hit the bullseye' prayer, but it was a simple one.
reminding me of God's love.
reminding me that He never fails.
reminding me that He is always there.

and i think that was what i needed, really. someone to assure me that He'll be with me through it all. and for someone who didn't know me at all, i really think God was using her to speak to me.

right when i came back, i spent time with Him, and He spoke to me.
its like ... i don't know what to say.
i can't say i felt Him. but i can start singing "when i can't feel You, i have learned to reach out just the same. when i can't hear You, i know You still hear every word i pray"



well, that was one long post.
the pretty length was for you!
and have a happy new year, all!

most probably will stop blogging as often as i did, but i guess i've gotta start writing on pieces of paper as often as i blogged!
English Literature, English, BM, History, Moral, ... Arts? possibly?
oh, here we go again! :|

Lord, i surrender. it doesn't matter what i go through, as long i go through it with You.
and what matters, really, is that You be glorified, that You be lifted high. :)

God bless, all!

*quotes aunty Luly :) : blue skies and everything nice to all of you! :D

When i Was Eleven...

... i remember wanting to be a bassist.
why? cause church has very little bassists.
those were my motivations.
"oh, church has so many guitarists, i lazy become guitarists lah!"

and when Reuben decided to take up drums...
"oh, now got so many drummers, don't need to become drummer! :D "

and since i was really tiny...
"i don't play the piano well! i don't think i ever wanna become a pianist!"

so yeah, watching Uncle Joe play the bass, he was the only bassist i knew. and hence, the only bassist i looked up to. :)

well, that was when i was eleven.
along the way, i stopped piano cause i hated practicing for exams.
took up guitar cause my brother took up guitar and later on, convinced myself that it was worth it. i started playing for the CF, and later on MYF.
i cringe every time i think of when i played horribly.
i let out a heavy sigh every time i think of how bad i am at playing the guitar.
but no, i'm not implying that i dislike playing the guitar! like Dizzy Gillespie said

I don't care much about music. What I like is sounds.
-Dizzy Gillespie

the purpose of this post, is just to say that, i feel happy when i play the bass guitar.
yeah, i may not be good at it yet, my timing may be horrible!
but, i enjoy playing the bass. i am IN LOVE with the sound that the bass guitar produces. i think its extremely pretty!

i've never felt this joy, ever, while playing an instrument.

but let's go back to what brought me to where i am right now.
if i have never learned the piano, i would have never known what a crochet is. (though it doesn't really matter in playing the bass.) i would have never known what a '3 3 count' is. or a '4 4 count'.

moving on, if i never learned the guitar, i would have never known that the guitar is almost like the piano, just that its strings on wood instead of wood on strings.
i would have never found out that the lowest string of the guitar was 'E' and the highest string was 'E'......
i would have never known that each fret was one semitone.
then i would have never known how to play a bass.

i don't remember being in love with music. i don't think i'm in love with music right now, either.
what has driven me to all this music stuff is the One i used to be so deeply, madly, crazily in love with.
they say you do stuff you never thought you'd ever do just for the one you love.
i've found that very true.
God has brought me here.
i am struck. i don't know how to say this,
but i see His will for me falling in to place.
i don't know how to say this really.
i'll come back someday, and i'll explain. :P

i didn't plan for this post to be like this. while i was typing this i realized something. something very the cool. something awesome. something wonderful.

i hate keeping you readers in suspense like this, but sorry, i don't think i want to explain further. hahaha. but you get it by now, that there's something growing in me, a love for music. a love that i've never known. a love, a passion, that i know, can only happen, with divine intervention.

okay, enough already. the things i'm saying are starting to sound wrong.
forgive me if you think i've said some absolutely stupid stuff that makes no sense.
thanks for reading the whole post, if you did.
and if you didn't thank you for knowing me so well.

they say i'm a drama queen.
HAHAHAHAHA.

well, AGAIN! Merry Christmas, dear readers!
you people really inspire me to write.
i feel happy after blogging. hahahah.

God bless

Post Happy Stuff!

hahahah. i think its been a long time since i posted about happy happenings... i think. :P
so yesterday has been a really eventful day! a very happy one!

so i went to Parade with Khalee and Pei Qi (thanks so much for teman-ing me) on a mission to hunt for a dress. but sadly we failed cause everything was so expensive. HAHAH. i did some Christmas shopping. it was fun :)

at 7.40pm, Serene fetched me to CGMC for Christmas band practice.
"i've never felt so close to a group of strangers friends before." haha i was determined to post that during practice. :P
during times we weren't exactly practicing a song, Jeremy, Ben, Jonathan, Janice and Nat would be playing different things. and for your information, having the drums, electric guitar, bass guitar, piano and keyboard playing entire different things at the same time isn't a pretty sound.
i am a musician but i don't exactly like noise :P

but yesterday was different. for the first time, i didn't really mind the noise pollution. in fact, i felt .... loved? HAHAHAHAH man, i'm getting kibbley. :P

well, after practice, Ben, Jeremy and Jonathan insisted that Serene fetched us all for yum cha session. :P so yeah, we went to Stadium.
talked about really casual stuff... and also stuff they weren't suppose to talk about.. especially with me there. i'm a fifteen year old GIRL, ben! :P
okay, never mind. :P

after that, Serene had to fetch Jeremy home. so yeah, going there was no problem since Jeremy was our guide. getting to Ben's house was a big problem. :\ all of us kept telling Serene different directions, we 'almost got lost' a few times. HAHAHAH.

well, it was quite fun to a certain point....

i reached home at around twelve.
woke up at one thirty pm today thanks to those jokers.
laughed about so many stuff. from drum sticks needing as much space as a bass guitar does, to ben's spoiled GPRS, to me being a spoiled human GPRS, to Serene's 'boyfriends' that drives kelisa's too, to blinking lights?, and so much more.
its been a LONG time since i laughed that hard!
since school, i think.
or maybe, its been a LONG time since i laughed that hard for a considerably long period of time. :P

i am blessed. indeed very blessed. :)

well, merry Christmas in advance, folks!
won't be back anytime soon i guess
God bless!

Time To Let Go

gotta let go of the fact that there are friendships that will never be the same again.
gotta let go of the fact that i'll never be able to run to you in tears like i did before.
gotta let go... just gotta let go of you.



this post was on the verge of getting more emotional. AHHAHAAH
i was gonna type about all the things we used to go through, but nah, there's no need for that. memories will stay where they are meant to be kept.
everything happens for a reason,
i see the reason, but why don't i do what i'm supposed to do?

cause when i think of you, i don't feel so alone...
though it means letting a few drops of tears roll down my cheek..

God bless!

blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i feel like posting some really emo stuff (to you, that is)

but its not emo at all! i just don't want people asking, "why your blog so emo wannnnn?"

whack you ah! :P

my high got cut. hahahaha. rarrrrrrrr

i just performed at jusco. played the bass.

....

okay, close your jaw already!

one burden just died. :D

now the rest. :|

i feel so sleepy now a days...

or is it just the cough medicine?

and really, forgive me for not updating. i hope everybody stopped reading my blog. :D

okay, time to start talking to myself. close this page already!

God bless!

if you insist on reading.....

i don't mean every word i say..........

but i do mean some of them, okay?

just that, i'm not scolding myself la.

ok i'll stop explaining. lol

dear conty,

i love you a lot

but i tend to hate you at times!

i think you should try flying! i guess its fun?

maybe you could try flying off a really tall building...

prolly you'll have higher chances of flying.

and i think you're an idiot.

why don't you try flying already?

please get a life, get your sleep, get your conversations lengthened with Him.

then probably you could get your mind of him. and stop singing 'If We Ever Meet Again'

cause its never gonna happen. its only just a dream.

but don't sing Nelly's 'Just A Dream', cause it'll make you emo.

and don't let yourself be emo please! tell your emo-self to shut up already!

go get a life on ebay!

why do you like talking to yourself? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

i think you're gonna get sent to the psychiatrist really soon.

take care, all the best.