Saturday, March 31, 2012

Haven't Met you Yet

"Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.
Most women are surprised to realize that even a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
----------------------------------------------
When a man loves a woman,periodically he needs
to pull away before he can get closer."
----------------------------------------------

*

why do i suddenly have so much to say?
my favourite quotes from that Part Time Indian Diary book (yes, i have forgotten it's name)
my anticipation on reading two more books, even if they are ebooks (yes, i have a record of successfully finishing 0 ebooks)
my monologues(if i may call it that) typed in my phone at the driving ceramah
more thoughts on what my life is (like driving a manual car)
more on why i believe in love (because the person that i am suppose to fall in love with hasn't caught my eye)
and much more that i forgot.

*

well, Arsenal is playing against QPR tonight
i'm sick
i am going to sleep now
i am going to wake up at 9.30pm
bye, God bless!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Does The Rain Show you How To Love?

the rain,
like madness,
it hits the window panes

the lightning,
so fierce,
but the thunders roar so mild, in vain

the wind,
so cold,
i swear, if it touches my bare cheek,
it will leave a scar, or a glow

so do i run outside?
and feel the rain pour on my skin?
do i challenge the wind?
do i ask for what men cannot give?
for what only nature can,
and what nothing else will?

and i wonder,

if love, like rain do happen
like let's say,
so eagerly stomping the earth
so passionately upon the land

if love, like lightning do flash
like let's say,
so brightly
not letting anyone not know

if love, like thunder do declare
like let's say,
so mildly but strong
so eagerly even if it may be wrong

so do i run outside?
and feel the love strike in my veins?
do i challenge myself?
do i say that love,
like rain, happens?
that love,
like lightning, flashes?
that love,
like thunder, declares?

but it all comes down to this,
1 Corinthians 13 verses 4 to 8
that "Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails..."

and then i think,
what if love is bold?
if love is none of the above...
but then i realize,
that if love is bold without the above,
love is foolish

it is only right to be bold in love,
when what you're being bold for,
is for the person you love.
when you are being bold,
for the right reasons.

and trust me,
what's right in my eyes, may not be right in yours.

so at the end of the day,
we should come back to God, and seek His wisdom
because who will know best for your loved one,
if it's not Him who made us all? :)

"For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."


*

man, it's pretty crazy how a gush of wind on my face can cause me to be inspired to write a whole post for you all. :D
God, everything You make is good, is inspiring. :)

God bless!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Skipped School

(man, this feels good, blogging about my daily life!)

last night when i was about to sleep,
my stomach felt really uncomfortable
i felt like vomiting...
but after awhile, it felt like it was going to come out from the other side of the body instead of my mouth... if you get what i mean :P

so yea,
i woke up and went downstairs cause i really felt uncomfortable
mum asked me to sleep downstairs,
so i sat on the room chair waiting for my body to finally give in and throw up whatever it needs to throw up

after awhile it did excrete stuff.
i didn't vomit so i still felt a bit uncomfortable,
so i went online. ahahahahahha
then i okay edy, then i slept at like 2am

woke up at 6.30am cause of alarm, felt like go fever.
it's been a loooooooooooonngggg time since i had fever
so yea,
quite bad la. my fingers and toes were VERY cold
but the rest of my body was VERY hot

i went to bathe and bla bla bla
went to sleep again
woke up at 9.30am
still feeling very sick.
it goes on and on and on la.
woke up, slept back, woke up, slept back,
dad bought bubur mcD for me for lunch
and panadol actifast,
then i ate and went back to sleep
i even skipped tuition.
i finally woke up at 6 something
i'm feeling better, but my head still feels heavy.


but yea,
i'm fine i guess.
God will be my strength and my Healer! :)


God bless!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Because

that was probably a huge mood swing yesterday.
i feel really.. really dumb.
lol
i guess that's part of life,
to feel stupid at times because you did something really stupid.

oh well
thank God i feel better now.
He is always there no matter how stupid i may act ._.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Where my Emotions Fade : The Sequel

writing a blog post is subjective
others may not understand the picture you are trying to paint

*

i am out here alone
at least i'm surfaced
at least i do not struggle for breath

i still am swimming
trying to find some wind
to hopefully sweep past me
that i do not need to swim

that the waves may take me
where ever it may go
that the waters will give me
a chance to still float

i don't know what i am saying
i also don't know what i am feeling
it hurts
and it's cold
but there's a calmness deep in my soul

i look up to the skies again
and i feel the breeze
i am a wretch
i am in pain
i am drowning
i am in fear

but i know,
i know
He who leads me,
will never leave me
He who takes my hand,
will not let me go

*

in this life i will stand
through my joy and my pain
knowing there's a greater day
there's a hope that never fails

*

i am the sea on a moonless night,
calling, falling, slipping tides

i am the leaky, dripping pipes
the endless aching drops of light

i am the raindrop falling down,
always longing for the deeper ground

i am the broken, breaking seas
even my blood finds ways to bleed


*

i still do not want tomorrow to come
i want to skip my whole life

but really,
what is the point of life then if we can just skip it?
so yeah,
i am going to survive
i am going to consider it pure joy to go through this
because persevering through pain will bring perfection one day

and that my soul knows very well
(:

i'll be okay.

Friday, March 16, 2012

how is it possible to be so hurt,
to be so scarred
that you cry every single time you think of it?

i don't know

Where my Emotions Fade

writing a blog post is like painting a picture

*

i am in an ocean
it's blue
no, it's green
it's pretty
it's as clear as i can see

i am alone, in an ocean
i see the coral reefs,
so colourful,
so pretty
so magnificent like the beach

it's cold
but i like the stars in the sky
it feels like God painted them for me

i am drowning
in my fears
in my tears
but that's what i choose to believe

cause the sea is salty too,
so are my tears
and sooner or later
i will not be able to differentiate them any longer

i feel the breeze on my cheeks
as i struggle to rise above me
as i struggle to rise above the sea
as i struggle to find out that i am not,
not in a tragedy

i find a plank
i am grateful
i float on it,
for what feels like a million days,
and it disappears,
i don't know where it went

i see the sun rise
i see the sun set
but i am still
drowning in my fears
drowning in my tears

why do i cry?
it's the sea,
i need not contribute any salty liquid
the sea is it's own
and i am not the sea's
i am not the breeze
i am me

i wish i had a friend
or at least a plank
to keep me warm
to keep me comforted

i wish you had a heart
to not hurl words
that will tear my wound open
the wound from your previous insult hurling sessions

i wish you never decided
to have a second child
to have me
cause all i give to you
is pain
is sorrow

you'll never find joy in me succeeding
cause no matter what,
a bad luck charm will be a bad luck charm

what i do to find your favour,
i no longer do
cause i see no point in it
i see no point in pleasing you.

*

after so many times,
you start wondering if you were in denial
or if you really had let it go.
cause no matter how many times you cry,
it'll hurt the next time again.

*

it's personal,
myself and i, we've got some straightening up to do

*

i don't want tomorrow to come
can we just skip it?

why do i fear my own birthday?
because i'm afraid of facing the fake people who wish me
the fake friends
the paranoia of them taunting me behind my back,
but putting on a smile and wishing me 'happy birthday' is something i have

the fear of having a celebration when i do not want to be celebrated
cause sometimes i wish i was never born



but i know
this'll all be over in a day
i know i won't have this paranoia in me tomorrow
i know i'll get over it
i know i'll be happy again.

i just need a somewhere to channel my feelings to.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Out Of My Mind

well hey,
here, an extremely unorganized post.
something is always better than nothing. heh


i thank God,
for the lessons He brought me to
then brought me through

i thank God,
for the few people He has given me
so that i can actually talk to about stuff that has been bothering me




i've been at war with myself
i don't understand why i feel the way i feel sometimes
and most of the time,
we dismiss the issue by concluding that 'it's human nature to feel so'

but really, what if there is an underlying issue causing this issue?
i mean, who would know right?
and if you dismiss the issue just like that,
you may never find out.

but then again, if you dwell on it too long,
you'll die of bitterness (figuratively speaking cause i don't think you'll die in a battle with yourself)


so let's just say you fell into a pile of mud
so you already got out of it and found out that what you fell into was a pile of mud
i guess it'd still take a long time to clean yourself out of it
and i guess you'd still ponder upon what made you fall into that pile of mud, no?

hahahahaha. okay ignore me.
i'm not trying to be poetical every time or philosophical
i just find it easier to explain myself through illustrations, though they may not get my point across most of the time. :P


anyway, there. a post for you.
and i don't like waiting for my birthday these few years just because i don't like thinking of the things my friends may do to celebrate.
what am i saying? pshhh.
good bye.
God bless you.
God has always been good, will always be. :)