Friday, December 28, 2012

Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw #2

some days,
i wish i wasn't so foolish
i wish i never let my feelings
and emotions
get in the way, of our friendship


*

i regret a lot
but i know that nothing happens for no reason
the more i think about it,
the more i want to fly off a building

but i'm so grateful for everybody
that God has sent
to make the journey more bearable

 *

it feels like i'm making the same mistake all over again
but sometimes,
i fight, cause i am the war inside, i fight,
i say that i have a right to feel
and you can't dictate that.

but then again,
who am i to dictate how you feel about it?
it's the irony of it

it feels like people don't understand
and those who do,
they leave me alone
it hurts sometimes,
but it has made me a better, a stronger person

so i'm so glad
for all the people
for all the friendships
and for helping me to see
the selfishness i am capable of

i'm so glad
that God is good
to allow good things to happen to me

God, You give and You take away,
but my heart will still choose to say,
"Lord, blessed be Your name!"


Monday, December 24, 2012

The Mountains, The Skies, The Birds & Butterflies

hi. Youth Camp 2012, i saw pretty mountains, the trees on them. the skies so majestic, the sunlight and the clouds. the birds and butterflies, flying about. i saw some blue butterflies, some white and orange ones. a praying mantis, and just the sound of the birds chirping. i was so grateful, so grateful for the beauty of the earth, and all that is in it, is His, is His.

*

suddenly i can feel again
suddenly i cry
and i don't know why

God, i know You're more interested in building character in me
not taking away my circumstances
God, You help me overcome


*

some nights i wish that this all would end
cause i could use some friends for a change


you know my heart threatens
like a gun to the head
it threatens to break
because i'm falling to pieces

i don't know what to do
and my heart is going frantic
but i reason,
"that's the point"
the point is to not know,
so that your heart can trust
but my mind won't go

i would wish
for a long talk
uninteruptted
so to satisfy
the questions of my heart

if i were to say
i miss you a lot
i wouldn't know
what i would be rambling about

it all seems so wrong
when i thought it was right
to finally say out the questions i kept
it felt so nice

like releasing something
you've been struggling to lockdown
for so long,
it's so long
and my heart cries
for it is in pain
it is suffocating


and i don't know
what anymore
cause when i look at the night sky,
it is disrupted by the street lights
so i wish to again,
be under the same sky
watching the same moon,
gazing at the same stars

Sunday, December 2, 2012

I Feel Again

today,
i went to church in the morning
and as always,
God refreshes me so generously
i don't even know if that's the right word
cause His love is indescribable :)

and then i went to check if the bank was open
(hey, i was just trying my luck okay)
and it wasn't
but great news! i found a McDonald's voucher
that would cover for my lunch

so, i was in a dilemma
whether to go to Jusco or the 24-hours branch
as you know, malls on a Sunday isn't exactly a place you would like to 'drop by' and grab lunch. parking issues.
but i decided to go to Jusco since it's slightly more convenient, bar the parking issues.

okay, so let's cut the long story short,
i found a parking place
like one parking place
don't know how the other cars would have missed that,
but i'm extremely grateful
this is me, experiencing God the Provider :)
really, really.

and then there was youth!
it was Praise and Prayer today.
so we sang like 9 songs. lol
it was good. really.

and then 15 of us went to McD for dinner.
had a great laugh, a great time!
seriously.
:)

then, I RAN IN THE RAIN! THE HEAVY RAIN! :D
yes, i'm so happy. :D

and the last highlight of the day:
serious conversations with two friends

i am so grateful
so thankful
for the people God has blessed me with
for providing for me in times of need
:)

God is good, all the time
and He always wants the best for us! :)


i wish you lots of rainbows and butterflies and sunshine

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Silhouette

"..and though the embers are new, whatever you do just don't let the fire die"
- Embers by Owl City


*


hey, SPM is over.
no, there's not much to say
though, yes, i would like to express my feelings
but as usual, i'm not sure how.

*

a wound that was exposed,
i thought i would heal
yes, i believe
that there's no wound He cannot heal

but sometimes i'm not sure
why i seem to hurt
cause no matter what i do
i just can't let it go

yes, the pain has been dealt with
i have already tried to learn
i am able to handle it better
but that doesn't mean it won't burn

it's like you pick at the scabs,
the scabs of the old wound
the very wound you caused
the very wound that wouldn't heal

and this battle in my mind,
are the thoughts that lead to ones
ones that were sweet because
there were people that helped be there for me

so i close my eyes,
and go back in time,
i can see you smiling,
you're so alive
we were so young
we had no fear
we were so young
we had no idea that life was just happening

i wish things were the same
that they never changed
because you would still be here
even though it really hurts

but i know
that you were sent
when i couldn't handle
it on my own

but i know
that you were taken
because if that didn't happen,
you would be all i'm holding on to

and again
i testify
that God's strength, and God's grace
has never failed me ever

He is true to His word,
that He will never leave or forsake me
and he has never
though i may be unfaithful,
He is always faithful

things happen because
God is more interested in changing our hearts
than our circumstances

circumstances are engineered in such a way
that, like gears,
it will work our hearts,
to be all He wants it to be

and i am glad,
i am glad,
that God,
You are my God.
and i will ever praise You!
:)


*


i wouldn't trade it for anything, my souvenirs