Saturday, November 9, 2013

These Tears Always Win

8 years, i believe
and i still find it amazing how we linked up
to make this group
i was always there, but i never personally roped anyone into the group

i remember how quiet she was
she never said much
never got involved in our drama
but i remember getting my own cellphone
we used to talk for hours
not even sure what we talked about
i remember you being in love with Colbie Caillat
you pestered me to buy her album for you
but we were eleven, or twelve
i didn't have the money
neither did you :)

remember the brothers we used to like?
that was drama, man
we actually betrayed her
you liked the guy who liked her
and i liked the guy she liked
dude, we were what, 11? 12?
what were we thinking?
hahahah i will always laugh thinking about all the times we went to that padang

then we went to secondary school
we part ways with some of our primary school friends
but most of us were still together
and we found great additions too (Leena, Nishal, Carmen)
we did the weirdest stuff
got into trouble maybe
went through the girly phase together
i remember lots of window shopping, camwhoring, singing to our favourite songs, nail polish
and to think of it,
we were the queens of Jusco :)

form 2, 3, 4, 5 in the same class
deskmates in form 4 and 5
we had our arguments
my oversensitivity
but nothing beats the good memories

form 2 and 3, the six of us
we came up with the stupidest stories
said the craziest stuff
laughed at the weirdest things
ended up being the favourites in the class anyway
we shined, bright like diamonds

form 4 and 5
okay now if i think of it,
we weren't exactly deskmates in form 4
i sat with Shuana and you sat with Karin and Kogkila!
our daily dose of comedy
i'm sorry bout all those times
i gave you the silent treatment
making you the victim of my moodswings
thank you for never getting sick of me
thank you for being there
thank you for letting me watch over you
it felt good being able to go through whatever tough times you were going through
i remember feeling so ready to stab anyone who hurt you in the eyeballs in my dreams hehehe

i could make a whole list of things i'm sorry for
and you would tell me that i don't need to be sorry
thank you for always believing in me
for always loving me for who i am
(this goes out to the rest of the group too. thank you all)
i couldn't have gotten any bigger with anyone else beside of me
you all have been my pillars throughout the years
i would have crumbled if you all didn't stand beside me through it all

now that you're leaving,
it feels weird
it feels funny
we didn't have to part ways
only Renu and i had to leave
the rest of you were back in Perak
it would be easy to piece us back together
and now you have to go to Shah Alam
i'm not sure why, i'm afraid that it's gonna be much harder to bring us all back together
but i also believe
that our friendship is too strong,
too strong to break
we'll have the main holidays
we will have reunions

and i wish you all the best
because you deserve all the best things in life
and i hope you never think that you are less than what you are
cause you are amazing

i will miss you
how you never fail to talk about Bruno Mars and mention him
how you always are in love with hot girls
how you always interrupt my stories with the weirdest comments
because it means you actually pay attention to my stories
how you always listened to me without complaining
how you always assured me that i was a good friend
you've been a great friend
and i hope you get great friends at UiTM
even if you don't, just be a great friend to everyone cause that's just who you are

i'm not even sure why i feel so emotional right now
it could be a combination of many reasons
the weather, it rained.
the toads are 'singing'.
i'm not back home in Ipoh.
i won't get to see you even when i get back to Ipoh.
you're leaving.
you've grown up.
i don't get to be overprotective over you anymore.

but no,
i'm proud, i really am
go there and do your best
screw what they say
make your own genre of writing
cause your writings are so beautiful
i'm so proud of you

take good care of yourself, okay
i'll come visit you whenever i can!
i love you, Khalee!

p/s. and i will always remember how you always punched my arm when you're bored and ... you know la what you do to kacau me hahaha

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Cili Padi (Love Is?)

tak nak bagi cili padi to siapa-siapa (Translated: not trying to direct this specifically to anyone)
but certain things trigger my brain to think
and i seem to have a hobby of thinking particularly about relationship-related issues

but, how can someone be so sure it's love?
(please, i am not directing this to anyone. don't terasa. i'm not condemning anyone. give me space to think)
after 5 years, and i can't even decide whether what i felt was real or just made up
even after 5 years, i am still uncertain whether or not it is love

how then can one be so sure after their first meeting, few weeks of talking, few months of dating, half a year of relationship(where sparks wildly fly) that it is love?
that the person you 'fell in love with' is someone you can never live without (if you don't try, you won't know)
what are words, really?

again, i stress, love is so much more than just feelings and emotions
you can feel so much, you can say so much, you can promise so much
but is that it?

is love a boat?
let's picture love as a boat
2 people come together and want to build a boat together
they claim to love,
and what is this claiming?
it's talking about how they want the boat to look like
they may even draw out the plan for the boat
calculate the costs(though usually inaccurately)
buy the materials
but if you don't actually get your hands dirty, build the boat,
then it isn't love
your 'love' is all talk

have you heard them say that love is a verb?
love isn't something you merely feel
it is a commitment
love isn't just during good times
like how your boat isn't just good when it is on calm, pretty waters
your boat has to be able to withstand the storms
cause storms are inevitable
and if you don't build a boat that's gonna last the storm,
it's not gonna work
your boat's gonna crash, you're gonna sink, maybe get shipwrecked
and do you blame the boat?
do you blame the other person?
do you blame the inaccurate calculations?
do you blame the materials used to build the boat?

i conclude that,
you don't fall in love
love is something you've got to build
and if you want it to be all pretty and beautiful,
think of the boat
you've got to work for the boat to be pretty and beautiful

people tell me that the word 'love' is being taken so lightly these days
it's being thrown around like it doesn't matter
but our hormones, our feelings, our emotions,
they make us believe(and we foolishly do) that we actually are in love

i don't think we can know for sure that we 'cannot live without' a certain someone until we try

that's just what i think
and i don't even know why i'm thinking about all this

and after talking about it a little with one of my friends,
i realise that we can't always be so sure bout everything in life
we've got to go with the flow sometimes and let life surprise us
God has it all planned out for us anyway
so planning every little detail by ourselves, worrying about everything is absolutely unnecessary!

(and i also realise that we should talk and discuss about our thoughts and ideas. it generates further thoughts and ideas!)


okay, i meant to just type up a few lines
look how long the post is!

okay goodbye
i hope you have a great weekend!

God bless you!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Late Night Recollection Of Thoughts

it's 1 o'clock in the morning


been wanting to blog for awhile now

the only reason i'm actually blogging(at this hour) is cause there's no electricity
slept at 10, but an hour later, the seniors were banging on their door(probably locked themselves out) for about, let's say 15 minutes straight? i woke up(obviously, i guess) and when it was finally quiet, my room mate came back and was talking on the phone. i don't blame her i guess.

anyway i went down and sat outside my block(until my phone ran out of battery). super nice weather, kinda inspired me to blog i guess.


i've been randomly wondering what it must feel like to lose a very close friend to their boyfriend/girlfriend

i guess it's an inevitable process unless your friend has decided to be single forever(but even that doesn't guarantee that they aren't gonna find someone that'll sweep them off their feet)

i just wonder sometimes if i'm gonna lose my girl friends to their boyfriends. i mean, they have to give their boyfriend priority, right?
we probably are gonna have to stop spending as much time as we used to
another person to consider

and then there's the matter of having a bestfriend of the opposite gender (not that i am very well-versed in this particular matter, of course)
imagine having this particular friend, so close, so many words exchanged each and everyday
someone you can talk to about anything, just like a normal best friend
not that you both share any romantic feelings
i mean, there's certainly nothing wrong with having a best friend that is of the opposite gender, right?
(not taking the popular belief that you will eventually fall for your best friend into consideration)
you talk all the time, and all that,
so what happens when one of you get together with someone?
doesn't the frequent communication have to stop?
won't things drastically change?
let's assume that we all agree on the above questions,
then what is the point in having this said friendship in the first place if you're gonna lose it in the end?

somebody, rationalise this tangled mess in my head!


"Remember those walls i built? Baby, they're tumbling down"


right now, there are a whole lot of things that looks perfectly fine to me
kind of like,
waters that look perfectly calm, because i've never been in them
or even if they aren't perfectly calm, i think it wouldn't be so bad to be in such waters.
i guess i can't actually judge the waters from afar, right?
i can only conclude after being in those waters myself

as of now, i think being friend zoned isn't that bad
(wait, i actually think i have felt miserable about being friend zoned... ah, i can't remember, so it doesn't count!)
i mean, what's wrong with being friends forever?
unless of course, your friend has been going out with total scumbags and you're actually offering yourself to save your friend from the suffering of another round of heartbreak.
i've always thought that if you love someone(love comes in many forms), the best thing you can offer them is your friendship
romance is always secondary and sometimes(most times, maybe) unnecessary

but i guess emotions tend to mess things up, complicate everything
i for one know what it feels like to have my emotions screw with the friendships i have
and sometimes i can't help but wonder,
why on planet earth can't a guy and a girl stay friends forever?

(i think you get me cause i don't really know how to clearly explain this anymore)


if we know how something is gonna end,
and let's say it's tragically,
why do we still go on with it anyway?
temporary thrill?

but then i remember, we can't predict the future
we don't know for sure how something will end
and even if said event will end tragically,
it isn't necessarily an extremely bad thing
bad things happen to good people,
and we know it makes them stronger

but when temporarily-stupid people use that as an excuse to go on with something that so clearly hurts them,
it makes me believe that they aren't actually very smart at all


"What a peculiar state we're in"
"I want you to burn my bridges down, set me on fire"


it's now 2 o'clock in the morning


people are afraid of getting hurt
and i would understand that
past experiences leave people scarred

but sometimes,
i'm more afraid of hurting
rather than getting hurt

what does this indicate?
belief that i will make it through?
that i am strong enough?
or does this indicate my possible indifference
which may indicate that at the end of it,
i won't lose much

and that is where i fear that there may be a monster inside of me
a monster i never knew i was feeding

i care
i really do
is that enough
to prove that i am
not what i fear to be?


"When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight"


that was pretty long
and possibly pretty deep

again, i thank God for the gift of being able to express myself in words
and for giving me peace when i'm confused
for being my hope when i'm let down

you know,
even in the midst of all these questions,
One thing i know remains,
His love, His grace, His sovereignty
(wait is that 3 things?)
at the end of the day, God remains
and His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me!

i'm so glad!
so glad for each and everyday
for each and every conversation
for the Word He speaks to me
which is life, nourishment to my soul


"in Your heart of hearts i'll dwell,
and that my soul knows very well"

God bless you! :)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

What We Gonna Be

been so long since i felt this way
and i'm trying not to make things worse
i'm trying not to go further
i think i see where this is going
it's the same thing

.. okay maybe it isn't
but it's the same joy
that will lead to the same consequences
the same innocent start
the same feelings developing
one thing new,
is the lesson i've learnt
to know where this is going
to actually realise what i'm driving into
but still, i let it be
i don't bother trying to let go
i don't even bother trying to leave
and even so i'm not sure where this will go

i keep my hopes alive
i keep my hopes unbroken
i wish for this to stay the same
to not get complicated
but anything involving emotions
will never be all that simple

and i wonder
how are feelings like this ever right?
how does anyone ever find the balance?
and the famous 'where do we go from here?'
so many questions
some i may never get the answer to
but God, i look to You
i'm sorry for all the times i'm selfish
for doing the things i know i shouldn't
and failing to do what i know i should

i pray for strength and wisdom
to deal with whatever You bring me to
and to learn from each trial You bring me through

i find peace when i'm confused
i find hope when i'm let down
not in me, in You

i look to You


how can i decide what's right?
when you're clouding up my mind

Saturday, September 28, 2013


(*challenges myself to actually finish this post)

because it takes a lot of inspiration to make me feel determined to actually finish up a blogpost!


which can i cross?
which have i crossed?
what are the risks?

there are lines i know i shouldn't cross
there are consequences, i realize
and yet there seems to be a thrill
in going to the other side

and at the end of the day,
when i'm afraid,
is not that my heart will break,
i don't want to break a heart

i know we can't make anything out of this
but how do i distance myself from it?
how do i keep things as simple as possible?
how do i not complicate our emotions and feelings?

God, i don't know what to do
and even when the solution is quite clear,
but i have no will to,
please be my strength and give me wisdom
to deal with trials You bring me to graciously
to be all that You want me to be


so much i intend to say
so much i want to let out
but then again, as always, i can't find the right words
the right words to blur out the direct meaning
the right words that say enough about what i'm going through

anyhow, God has been, is, always will be amazing
His grace is enough for me
and the lessons He teaches me are humbling.

take me to deeper waters, God

have a great Sunday, a great week, and God bless you! :)

Monday, September 9, 2013


i like going to church
i love going to the house of the Lord!
people question the need to do so

yesterday, i thought of an illustration
God is my best Friend and i can be best friends with Him anywhere and He'll be there
i can be friends with Him every other day
but why do i choose to go to His house on Sundays?

it's like going to your best friend's house,
it's unnecessary, but you still do it
going to your best friend's house is a sign of closeness
you might do the same things every time you go to their house,
but it means something to the both of you
it brings joy to the both of you
the house(or the home) of someone brings you more of your best friend than you could ever imagine
it brings parts of your friend that can never be brought out anywhere else


i found the answers to my questions
answers that were so simple, so basic
things that i should know from the heart,
having 'memorized the law since i was three'

i tell myself that i can do better
some day i'm gonna get it all together,
who am i fooling?
i am weak and prone to be the me that i will always be
so what's left to do but surrender?

there are people i meet
i tell myself that it's better not to get involved
if i know that i cannot do it properly
and if that's the case,
i might as well never get involved in anything God brings me to

God has called me to love
and can i love with my own capacity?
of course not!
that is why He asks that i rely on Him
to draw the love and strength from Him
so simple, so basic
and yet i constantly forget this simple truth

this truth sets me free,
it sets me free when i practice it

does the man i am today
say the words You need to say?

let them see You in me
let them hear You when i speak
let them feel You when i sing
let them see You
let them see You in me


good day to all of you!
God bless!

Saturday, September 7, 2013


blehhh. should be doing my assignments.

the campus internet blocked Twitter and YouTube now. they didn't before this. sigh.


Still Into You by Paramore, i dedicate to Arsenal :P


i don't really know what the point of this post is lol
been meaning to express myself on certain stuff, but i can't seem to put them into words
so yeah
'til next time! bye!

God bless you! :)



Wednesday, July 31, 2013

31 July 2013 9.05AM
Blogging in class now. Lecturer has some meeting, so she left us with some work. i do have some work to do, but i'm not really in the mood.
anyway, 74 hours 'til i board the bus back to Ipoh! super excited! especially with a few of my friends telling me that they miss me in the past few days! planned some outings already! :D
it's been at least 3 weeks since i've drove a car. i'm afraid i might have lost my 'skill' of driving. lol. kidding, i don't think it's lost, i think i just might need time to get used to driving again.
side stares. how similar. how they resemble.
things do get pretty stressful sometimes. when you're so used to a particular group of friends, and suddenly you have to get used to a whole different group of friends. mehh, that's hard. been talking bout the boat rocking hard. the storms have been very real and being alone doesn't make anything easier. ironically, all i want to do is be alone here, i want my space, i don't really want to get close to anybody sometimes. of course, things haven't been bitter all the way, they have been pretty sweet at times. a lot of times. don't get me wrong, i am extremely grateful for the way God has brought me here, He has even been my strength, sustaining me, to go through these tough times. and i suppose that these are the times where i have to learn to reach out just the same even when i can't feel Him. know that when i can't hear Him that He hears each word i pray.
i think i'm going shopping on Friday with the room mate! excited for that too cause of the exploring we're gonna do! :D then when i start packing, i'm gonna officially feel the excitement in my bones! the excitement of going back! :D
as i sit here, i feel so grateful that God has been with me through everything. for blessing me with amazing friends!
God bless you all and have a great day! :)

and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN! to the baby of the whole entire family! :)

Friday, July 26, 2013


the flower and the leaf,
the flower and the leaf.
have you ever been the flower?
i have always been the leaf.

being a flower means
being very pretty
being the leaf, on the other hand,
is being overshadowed by your flower friend

do you sometimes wish to be special?
to, for once, have someone look at you and think you're pretty?
pretty like a flower?
but what's wrong with being a leaf?

a leaf,
is green and pretty,
you might not immediately be noticed,
but when someone does,
it'll be worth it


random thoughts about the flower and the leaf
have a nice day!
go up to a flower, and notice its leaf! :)

God bless you!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013


Hello, if you didn't already know, i'm in Institut Pendidikan Guru Kampus Tun Hussein Onn, Batu Pahat, Johor! as you can guess from the name of my campus, i'm gonna be a teacher once i graduate!

i left Ipoh. my form 6 life, my gila cool friends, classmates, cool teachers, church, family and many other things i hold dear. the only thing i am happy about is that i'm going to be a teacher, and i get to escape studying form 6! but of course, things aren't gonna be easy here. assignments, presentations, coursework... they're all gonna be very tough. nothing comes easy, i can't always complain about having so much to do.

anyway, God has really been working in amazing and miraculous ways. all the little details of being here worked out really well. most of the stuff has been very smooth! my room mate is from Ipoh, she's from the same course and is really nice! we have a friend who's local, so we follow her to church on Sundays! classmates are fun, lecturers are mostly interesting!

i do miss home of course. like a lot. really. but i'll be back during Raya! 11 days! :D

God bless you!


Some conversations are so lame, it deserves to be recorded...

Akmal: Andy, are you coming with us or are you going on a stroll in the park with Constance?
Me: Mana ada park kat sini?
Emir: Adaaaa, Park Ji-sung, No 'Park'ing...

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Let me Not Forget, Because I Am So Prone To

let me not forget,
the little things, the everything
let me not forget

let me not forget,
all the times he's said
how much he loves me
what he feels because he's got me

let me not forget,
all the things he does
so very willingly
like nobody else would

let me not forget,
the way you always pamper me
cause apparently,
that's what children are for

let me not forget,
how my life is so simple,
so convenient,
because you are willing

let me not forget,
you've fetched me all around,
you've fetched all my friends around,
and even when you complain,
you still are willing to do it

let me not forget,
to love you
to cherish the times we have
to not take you for granted

i will always remember that time i almost lost you
that time we thought was up
that time i cried and cried, and will always cry remembering
and i thank God that He gave you more time
but i forget to pray,
to thank Him and to pray for you
and i'm sorry.

let me not forget,
to remember this great gift from God
for all the time invested in my life
by my father.

Friday, May 3, 2013

[Insert Suitable Title For Blogpost]

have a nice day!


i think organizing your thoughts requires practice,
and as you can calculate, it's been [insert amount calculated] since my last blog post!
well it isn't exactly that long if you compare it to the other absences
i don't even know what's up with my English anymore

forgive me for wrong use of vocab or any other errors
and if my thoughts are being laid out too messy or improper


Little Things by One Direction (i hope i don't get unnecessary hits for mentioning it)
Reasons Why I Seem To Hate It :

i know Ed Sheeran wrote it, no disrespect to the incredible singer-songwriter at all but it's mostly due to One Directions overratedness{word does not exist}

mind you, i used to quite like 1D when WMYB was released, i don't exactly hate them,
but i think when boys have some kind of power to melt your heart with a song that has touchy lyrics, that's downright dangerous, man. isn't this what guys will do? sing you a lovely song, get you hooked, hold your heart in his hands and slowly crush it?

not being cynical and as you know, i'm not really that kind of person, but i can't help but just dislike this song and not want to hear it.

well a sudden thought occurred to me, maybe i'm afraid that i myself would fall for the song and its lyrics, that i am too weak to fight against my heart melting and believing that someone could love me like that.

is this a scar from the past?
is this a fear? is this me having been wounded some time ago?

well honestly, i would rather not wander too far into those thoughts. moving on,


Mirrors by Justin Timberlake
Reasons Why I Love The Lyrics :

it kinda feels like a song for weddings, right?
it kinda pictures weakness and strength
kinda like accepting the other persons flaws, helping them grow stronger and deal with themselves
kinda like being their pillar, holding them up so that they can be bigger than they already are

kinda like not noticing that this special someone has been doing so much for you,
cause they've been your mirror, your reflection, helping you in ways you never could see

i let this song melt my heart though
and sometimes i kinda wish someone would sing this song to me
no particular person
but i really do want to be a pillar for someone
in ways not obvious because at the end of the day,
loving someone is all about supporting them in ways needed

except that i've never really bothered to be a pillar for anyone.
all i cared about was me, myself and i.

i am weak and prone to be the me that i have always been

so selfish. so careless in building friendships.

but there's no use in dwelling on past mistakes, i'll look forward and pray that i can be someone who will be of support in times of need


not that complaining is strange to any of us,
not like i don't do it
but i don't see the point in complaining on Twitter about the current government/opposition/politicians or whatever not. yes, you can stand up to whatever corruption there is, but complaining is a whole different story. you don't accomplish anything.

we're all so pro at complaining, i don't understand your purpose for doing so (mind you, i'm not saying that i don't complain at all, so let's just say i'm complaining about myself too, shall we?)
especially about the ads on YouTube. so you can't skip it and it's downright annoying, SERIOUSLY, SO?!
come on, what happened to making the best out of every situation?
here's an example i thought of,
or you could just plainly laugh at the ads.

so let us see, by :

  • acting like an ad-critic, you actually improve your skills in criticism and you learn to approach annoying situations in a more positive manner
  • laughing at those ads, you become a more joyful person and you learn to see the funny in things!
  • complaining about the unskippable{word does not exist} ads, you.... ACCOMPLISH NOTHING!... oh kidding, you do, you accomplish passing on hate while encourage others to hate and complain with you. how negative! shame on you!

but then again, complaining about complainers nullifies my complaint.


leadership, clashing personalities and i

kinda like a sub top, you know? (sub topic if you still don't get it)

feeling the urge to explain this
so yeah, here i go,

i have never embraced leadership,
in fact, i tried my very best to always avoid it
i think i was born with opposing characteristics/traits(can't think of the right word now)

why people see a leader in me,
is because i was born with that aura and natural stance (not speaking highly of myself. to be honest, i wish i could do away with this)
when you put me in a group, i sometimes have the natural tendency to take control and set things my way
i naturally lay myself on the ground and want to act as a pillar to the group

why i am not the right leader at the end of the day,
just merely the tendency to be the leader won't make you a good leader
i have this in me where... i am easily discouraged, i dislike making decisions and i don't have enough drive to make things happen. i can also be a little annoyingly stubborn(not the right kind for a leader)

at the end of the day, it won't be about the vision you have, it's about making visions your mission and accomplishing it well, knowing how to dish out responsibilities to team members accordingly.

despite my fear and discomfort of being a leader, i can't avoid it forever, right?
i know.


3 interesting weekends lined up!

this weekend, Phil is back! board games tonight!
and of course, the upcoming elections
(i really wonder though, if i'll ever grow into talking about politics with such enthusiasm and knowledge like the people around me are. i do feel ignorant sometimes...)

next weekend, cousin coming back from US! pretty excited! :D

and then the weekend after that, a good friend is registering her marriage! happy occasion and lunch together! :)

alright. that's all from me for now. that felt pretty good.

God bless you all and stay safe :)
have a great month!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

spontaneous blabber

the moon was so clear tonight
i wished to be right under the sky
moon watching, star gazing
that would be a nice thing to do with someone


it's been a long time since i felt grumpy cause i failed to see someone
it's a strange and foreign feeling


my mind clears up after rantings on twitter
seems like the inspirational-poetic days are gone with the school life
or maybe i need to put pen to paper again
that seemed much more effective than typing
also, my green 'thoughts & ideas' book seemed to be my poetic-mojo or something

i've been taking life too easily, haven't been serious about it
which isn't a good thing
if someone would slap me in the face but help me get in responsible ways
i would appreciate that
i take Him for granted too often
and yet He always welcomes me back with open arms
and loves me so unconditionally like He always has

one of the previous Sundays, the sermon was about how God loves Jacob even though he cheated his father and brother. God loves the unlovable, people no human could ever find easy to love, but that's how our God is. He loves us no matter what, and i find that great.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me

Oh, how He loves us so! oh, how He loves us, how He loves us so!


i feel so typical, i guess i'm looking for a miracle

Wednesday, February 27, 2013


    On some days, making a choice will do you no harm. On other days, making a choice is very crucial. Which day are you in? Or rather, which day am I in?

    I wake up to the sound of my alarm in the morning. I have a choice, to wake up, or to go back to sleep. Most days, I choose to wake up. Then, I have a choice to make again. Whether to make a cup of coffee, or a cup of tea. I could go on and on about all the choices I have to make each day, but let's cut to the chase. Are all choices easy to make?

    In my humble opinion, this generation, my generation, is plagued with indecisiveness. Why do I say that? Because even choosing where to eat can be so difficult. I mean, what's so hard? Your choices are plainly, Indian food, Malay food, Chinese food, Western food, Italian food... So maybe that's a very wide variety. That could be the problem, having too many choices. Let's be real, how many teenagers can confidently tell you what they want to become in the future? I , for one, can't seem to recall anyone. All my friends tell me that they are not sure.

    What are most ideal choices in life? I suppose that the majority will say that success is the most ideal choice in life. But even to achieve success there are many choices to make. Choices are associated with questions. The answer to your question would have to be one of your choices. So, what is success? What does it mean to you? How can you achieve it? What means are you going to use to attain success? This is where the choices made are important. This is where human standards differ. This is where people start to compromise.

    I like the idea of success being associated with choices. For me, choices are the roads or paths that will take you to success. As a teen, our ideas and concepts of life constantly change. My idea of success was like the graph in the stock exchange market. It changes so frequently that at last, I had no idea what it really means. But one day, I managed to decide and finally pen it down. So , it was like painting a picture of success and being sure that this is the picture that will always mean it.

    The world associates success with sunshine. In other words, when you succeed, you are shining. For awhile, I thought this means that you have to be famous, or that you have to earn lots of money. But I decided what success means to me. My choice of words for success is 'to accomplish what God's purpose for my life is'. It no longer means to 'look good in the eyes of the world'.

    After some more thinking, I realized that there are still choices to be made. Like how I have to choose to do things the right way. Like how I should never lie and cheat my way to 'success', or compromise. Many have chosen the road to destruction. They fail to see the danger in it. They start choosing that it's okay to lie. Then they choose that stealing is okay too. Yes, you've guessed right, next, they are doing much bigger crimes because whatever choice you make, opens up a bigger choice. So sometimes, if you choose that stealing is okay, you may one day choose that robbing is also okay.

    Many great people in the past have made choices. Some made fatal choices, while others were better at making them. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that 'I have chosen the road less taken, and that has made all the difference', because the road less taken is the seemingly tougher road, but it will make all the difference.

    Choices are roads in life. Roads that you have to choose. Nobody wants to make choices that are fatal or wrong. We all want to make the right choices. But really, who can always make the right choice? We will make a wrong choice every once in a while. That's the beauty of life, learning that one choice is wrong the hard way, hence making it easier to find the correct choice. In a sentence, choices are to be carefully made.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Jonathan Khoo

turns 18!

happy 18th birthday, Khool-DDY-GanChan-Bassist!

Birthdays, what do they mean?
to me, it's a celebration, a celebration of the day you were born
celebrating the fact that you're well and alive today
celebrating the fact that you're my friend and that you made a whole lot of difference just by existing in my life

i guess birthdays wouldn't mean much if it's our own
we're all probably not used to 'celebrating' our own existence (HAHAHAHA)
but when it's a birthday of a very special friend,
it's important, it's of much value, it's a day worth celebrating

i really thank God that He sent you as a friend
i don't know if i ever told you,
but you were the ONLY ONE who was there in my time of need
2010, the year i felt very lost and alone

i remember how we first got close, it was through MSN if i'm not wrong, after ISCF '09
we didn't really have much to talk about, but we still talked anyway.
then in 2010, we both had problems of our own, and when you shared your problems to me, i finally found someone who can be a listening ear for me
and also, being in the same band for Youth Christmas Party that year! :D memories!

well, you were there for me at the time when i felt very lost and i am ever so grateful to God for you
don't ever underestimate your existence, because you've made a whole lot difference, not just in my life, but i believe in the lives of others too

cheers to the fact that we still can be friends despite our differences!
may you continue finding purpose in God and may the lessons you learn bring you closer to Him
continue shining for God in everything you do & never give up being a light in the lives of others!

all the best in the path God will lead you to in the near-future!

have a great year! :)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

What Forts Are These?

it's harder to say "i'm not okay, but i really don't wanna talk about it"
than "i'm alright"

because i feel like a fool when i show you my true emotions
i am sorry, i am only human
i wish i was able to not feel annoyed or irritated

why do we feel hurt when people don't call us for an outing?
i want a proper answer.

giving up, i've been saying that a lot
i don't feel like working on anything
but my emotions aren't my masters
i won't do what i feel like doing
i will do what i know i should

because when you rely on your own strength,
when you decide that you should settle all your problems alone,
that's when you get frustrated, irritated and mad
you're like a pail of water, trying to regenerate more water with your own water, which isn't going to work
you need to be connected to the Source of Life,
you need to rely and depend on God's strength
that's what i need to do
i need to constantly remind myself,
that i am not my own, for i have been made new

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Nobody Said It Was Easy

giving up,
it feels like a vacation
i want to go on a vacation
i don't want to work anymore
i don't want to put in anymore effort

i'm odd
the piece that doesn't fit
the piece that is there for convenience
probably the frame of a puzzle,
nothing really ideally fits with me
every piece fits with other pieces,
and me?
i don't exactly 'fit'

it's times when you become sick
that you appreciate health
it's times when you feel alone
that you remember that you are not
it's times when you profess that you have learnt
that you are tested again, to prove that you have

i know, it's not going to be easy
the path isn't going to be wide and straight
there are gonna be loads of obstacles
and it's gonna get tiring

but "let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."
for He has promised, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

i thank God for speaking to me and comforting me
for being my peace in times of need

Monday, January 14, 2013

All Time Low

days when you literally feel like you can't breathe
you try to play the blame game,
blaming every possible person
blaming every possible event
blaming everything else,
but yourself

i find it hard to believe that you're no longer here
i still dream of days where it would be like
the days when nothing else would get in the way
because it was better, much better

most things don't work
and you think of All Time Low
by The Wanted
and you try singing every line

why do we feel like giving up?
and also why do we love the most controversial people?

i don't feel like working on anything
i'm not the strong-willed person you'll talk about
no, i am weak
i don't want to get up after i fall
i'd rather lie there,
just lie there and cry

i want to isolate myself
lock myself in a room
and never open the door again

maybe it's not failing that makes you want to give up,
maybe it's never succeeding in the things you try to do
it's being the average achiever,
the 'Jack of all trades, master of none'
though i would be fine with being a 'Jack Wilshere',
except that it's not really possible

but the whole point of realizing that you're weak,
is to know that in weakness,
God's strength is shown
and in His strength,
i can stand up,
i will stand up

it's days like these,
when i feel like giving up,
when i feel like giving in
it's days like these,
that make me see
the beauty of life
and the details of the picture God has painted for me
because i actually stop,
i stop and look at life,
at His masterpiece
and i'm so grateful for being God, as He is


see, i'm not copping out, not copping out
not copping out
& You're raising the dead in me

Monday, January 7, 2013

Take It All Away - Owl City

There was a shot in the dark,
I was caught by surprise
There was a hole in my heart,
there were tears in your eyes
And there was nothing to say
'cause you made up your mind
And so I guess what you meant when you left was goodbye


You were the one and it was enough
to be the one you were dreaming of
you were the one and we called it love
and now you take it all away, take it all away