Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Not Gonna Write you A Love Song

my playlist consists of
songs that evoke so much emotion
songs that throw me back to the past
my playlist is a time machine

some songs make me smile
but most times,
the smiles are sad
other times,
i feel very happy
with the songs that i have

and even with this time machine,
i can only revisit the past
not mend it,
not change it,
not do anything about it.

and then there are songs of hope
hope that crashed and burned
they remind me of
everything that never happened
everything that could have been

fears and wants.
fears of a song i might have to sing
fears of the heartbreak happening
wants of a song to be sung to me
wants of the love for me to keep

i've let so many people go
some for the better
some, i'm not sure
i let them be the one that got away
i never chase anyone
because eventually,
it won't be worth it

there are songs
that reminds me of people
and makes me miss them
i cannot run away
from all the emotions i don't wanna face
because they are in the music
they are everywhere

but i refuse to fret
because these tears are a sign that i feel
that i have loved
and hopefully, been loved

these memories,
they are my souvenirs
they are what keeps me alive
they are proof that i am still living



so i close my eyes and go back in time
i can see you smiling, you're so alive
i close my eyes and go back in time
you were just a child then, and so was i
we were so young, we had no fear,
we were so young, we had no idea
that nothing lasts forever

i wouldn't trade it for anything,
my souvenirs

Thursday, January 23, 2014

you're Gold

if there are people that i hold dear,
if there are people that i love so deep,
i feel so much,
i'll be as biased as i can be.

they say that every gift,
is a curse.
my gift is emotions,
& being emotional can be a curse

when i become fond of someone,
when my heart overflows with love for you,
i'm not sure how,
i'm not sure why,
my heart would bleed if a sword struck you

most days, i'm certain
that what i go through,
my circumstances,
they are nothing compared to what you're going through

i wish that i could transfer your pain,
bring some of your affliction,
to my side,
put it on me instead.

i dislike
not being able to do anything
to alleviate your pain
to contribute to your cotton candy days

and if i have become fond of you,
and my heart overflows with love for you,
it means that you have put a smile on my face,
made me laugh too many days

how could i thank you for that?
i try to thank God for you as often as i can
i want to help you feel better
when you don't want to feel that way

my heart burns,
with anger sometimes,
toward the things that hurt you
toward the things that make you sad

and if not being able to do anything isn't painful enough,
i have to be so far away.
i'm sorry i can't be there
just there in presence

i wish you never have to fake a smile
i wish i could always put a smile to your face,
like how you always could with me

but at the end of the day,
who am i to stand in the way
of these circumstances set before you?
these things that are allowed to happen to you?

and if tears roll down my face,
they only can represent a cry
that God be enough for you,
that God brings you through.

i wish my love could be unfailing
but i'm human,
i will always fail

so i pray that you hold on
to God who will always be there
when i cannot,
when you cannot,
He can.

*

thoughts are much more in a mess than it usually is.
i thank God for the ability to feel so much
i thank God for the times He held me and helped me with having control over my bizarre emotions


*


"you always thought that i was stronger, i may have failed but i have loved you from the start"