Monday, April 21, 2014

Dear God, You're The Only North Star i Would Follow This Far



In this world of news, i've found nothing new
i've found nothing pure
maybe i'm just idealistic
to assume that truth could be fact and form,
that love could be a verb,
maybe i'm just a little misinformed


*


i've been anxious
anxious to get back home
not exactly homesick
just anxious to leave this place

i think i was spoilt in Ipoh
i was so comfortable
maybe now i understand why my dad said i was over sensitive
i cried over little things
even when i had everything

and now? i'm so far from my comfort zone
i can say that i was thrown into the sea
out of the blue
God threw me here
with lots of floats
safety jacket, and lots of comfort
and i am grateful
i shouldn't complain

but i can't help but want to go home

can't stand not knowing when exactly i can go back
i want to be sure that i can take the evening bus on Thursday
to KL.
from KL, i'll take a night bus back home,
i'll reach around midnight
my parents will fetch me
and i will breathe a sigh of relief,
i will be home

(it's only been 3 weeks since i was in Ipoh)

but nope,
we suddenly have an event to help out in
and to be honest,
i am very annoyed
annoyed with the uncertainty
even though i have to go back just a day later
it's less than 24 hours,
why am i so annoyed?

i guess it's just the excitement of being back home
away from the stress and tension
back with the people i love
the people that love me
and with them, love is easy


*


times like these, i love getting calls from my dad
i like telling him that i'm coming back
even though i have to tell him that i'm not sure when exactly i'm going to go back
i just like telling him that i'm coming back


and my aunty texted me about me going back
that was so nice
i have no idea why she texted me about it
but it makes me feel so loved
i feel the love from Ipoh already
makes me want to go home even more


and every time, before i go back,
my mum usually asks me if i have packed or not
that reminds me that i'm going back
and that she acknowledges that i'm going back
and just the littlest things makes me more excited to be back home


*


all of my world hanging on Your love


*


i'll be back for about 23 days
almost as long as my semester break
i thank God for His perfect plans

and let me not forget,
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of you life." Philippians 4:6-7


*


i thank God for Good Friday, that Jesus died
for Easter, that Jesus resurrected and is alive!

i fail, everyday.
but God has never failed.
in fact, every single day,
every single moment
God has been there
He has been my strength
He has brought me through

"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
 Psalm 73:26


*


might fall asleep in a hospital parking lot some day


this picnic will soon depart
real life i'm sad to see you go,
i'll miss you with all my heart
but i'd rather be alone
cause i couldn't live without sunsets that dazzle in the dusk


*


All attempts have failed,
all my heads are tails.
She's got teary eyes,
i've got reasons why.


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