Wednesday, April 16, 2014

i'll be frank

(i'm not Frank)



*


i'm not very sure,
how an extrovert can have introvert traits.
i guess some people aren't all fully introverts or extroverts
they can be a blend of both

for me, i'm probably an extrovert
but i have my introvert traits and moments
(IMHO it's nothing to pride about being an introvert/extrovert. it's just a personality thing, right?)

i can be all loud, talkative, cheerful, friendly
i initiate conversation and small talk with strangers, try to make them feel comfortable
well, this only applies when i'm in my comfort zone
i need to be geared up for this
i need to be used to the environment

and then i have my introvert moments
i'm in a crowd, but i crave for silence
i don't want people to talk to me
no, i don't feel lonely
i would probably be having a headache in this situation
i just don't want to talk
at that moment, i despise small talk
in my head, i'm all like "Why can't a girl be left alone in her own thoughts?"
don't talk to me, don't feel bad about it
i would love you for staying away from me

but wait, maybe those aren't introvert traits
maybe that's me having a bad day,
anti social tendencies, then?
okay, maybe that.

but... when i'm in my room, i hate overly loud noises.
i can get very irritated with the shuffling of shoes/feet
the sound of someone walking heavily (you're not a giant, do you need to thump the floor with your feet?)
the slamming of doors (this, this, this! i was awoken last year by seniors slamming the door. inconsiderate people)
just the little things

in a nutshell, i would very much prefer to live on my own
silence, no conversations, no social interaction, preferably no visitors hahahahaha





okay kidding


i guess my future partner is gonna have a hard time figuring out whether i want to talk or not
(maybe that's why i'm still single ;)          lol no)
so maybe that's why i need to find someone suitable
i refuse to jump into a relationship if i think i might ruin it
but okay let's not talk about me getting into a relationship.

on to the next thought,


*


am i obliged to like my friend's boyfriend?
okay, i'll be honest, i didn't like most(around 90%) of my close friends boyfriends.
guilty.
i defend myself by thinking that "there's a possibility that this guy might break my friend's heart in the near future"
truth is, that's rubbish
as a friend, i should wish them the best
i should think cheerful, happy and positive thoughts
i should think that he's gonna be the best for her, bla bla bla, ya-da ya-da More interesting, Yoda is!

honestly, i can't bring myself to fully be myself around my friend's boyfriends
i don't know if i get into protective mode

man, i just realised that i suck
i must have given my friends a hard time refusing to speak in front of their boyfriends/
refusing to look them in the eye



that brings me to another point,
IF YOU WEREN'T CLOSE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND BEFORE THIS, AND NOW THEY ARE TOGETHER, WHY ON PLANET EARTH DO YOU BOTHER GETTING CLOSE WITH THEM?

yes, you can talk to them and all that, but think about it!
would you like your own friend to be so close to your own boyfriend?
it's a matter of respect, sisters before misters

and with that, i choose to not care about your boyfriend's feelings when i 'act hostile' to him
i prefer to never let you go through the paranoia of the kemungkinan that i might steal your boyfriend
heck, i won't even let you go through the involuntary jealousy if i get too comfortable with him


time and time again, i've questioned my responsibilities as a friend.
do i have to be nice(even if i have to act it out) to all my friend's boyfriends?
is that the only way i can show acceptance?
wait, if you're not married to her, i haven't fully accepted you yet!

but at the end of the day,
bear in mind that i am ONLY A FRIEND
what i think about my friend's boyfriend doesn't matter
i'm not their mum
not even their biological sister
so forget about what i think/how i treat you
it's what she thinks about you and how she treats you that matters

(by the way, this only applies to my very close girl friends)


*


so yeah.


thoughts.


goodnight.





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