Wednesday, January 14, 2015

What We Were Told

we grew up
our beliefs, norms, values
shaped by our family,
shaped by our society,
shaped by our own ideas,
shaped by how we've been treated by others

we were told that black is called black,
white is called white
and each object is called what it is called

it's not conforming,
it's accepting what is taught to us

but do you ever wonder sometimes
if we're just being rigid?
if in actual fact that not all in this world is black and white?
that most of which we try to define and categorise as
are just shades of grey?

i don't question my beliefs, norms or values
i don't think that i'm being rigid
i don't believe in a different purpose
i don't even remember what i started fighting for


*


feelings, emotions
they're like trees
they can be categorised and named,
but they're not all the same

one may feel a certain emotion
but how they feel it,
how it impacts them
may vary

once a feeling is grasped,
the texture, the feel of it
makes me want to write
writing about it then reminds me
of what i've felt inside

feelings fill you up
they somehow make you feel whole
they somehow make you feel human
they somehow make you feel vulnerable

some people hold onto feelings and emotions
others,
they push it all
or bury it
or let it all go

some days,
i want to hold onto a feeling
i want to hold onto an emotion
because it makes me feel alive
because it is unique
it's different from all what i've felt before

some i hold onto properly,
some i let go carelessly,
some i get tired of holding onto,
others i let pass by

i suppress some feelings
when they get too overwhelming
i try to forget them
but they set ablaze upon me
and i cannot control it


*


i was told that a fish cannot live on land
well, maybe in an alternate universe they can

and then there's the toad
it could go into the water
but it doesn't prefer the sea
it prefers to be on land,
where its beliefs stand

but sometimes i catch the toad,
staring intently at the fish
there seems to be attraction
and compatibility

but it cannot go into the water
and live in it forever

or maybe that's just what the toad choose to believe


*


do you ever feel
emotions that you cannot express?
it's not that you're ashamed of expressing them
it's not like you cannot express them
it's just that, maybe,
there seems to be no benefit from expressing that particular emotion.

some emotions are positive
but like fire to fire,
it burns a brighter flame
a flame that's harder to tame
and maybe that's why i'm afraid


some things aren't ever meant to be
but sometimes i feel like it's meant to be, why it isn't meant to be
i appreciate being able to see things in a different perspective
to learn the struggle
and the good that comes out of it


i feel like it's a love letter,
the common things we share
the effort, even though it may be awkward
the admiration we have for a person

it's just a flutter of a moment
an emotion that i feel quite often
so what makes it so special?
it's not like it's a love worth any bother


*


okay, i just felt like blogging today.
wanted to write bout some emotions i was feeling
didn't mean for the last part to be so... open? straightforward?
well, as usual, it's not what you think it is
i'm not in love
i don't have a crush on anyone

it's just a moment of realisation and liking for what i'm feeling
or something
if you get me
hahaha

anyhow, i thank God for being my Rock
not really sure how i matured emotionally(even if just a little) when i was pretty sure that i couldn't handle myself


it's a new year, new semester
still got feelings i ought to deal with,
make straight
ultimately, i want to live a life that's souled out for Jesus


may this year hold more precious lessons
newer, stronger, tougher
more perseverance, strength and trust in the Lord
songs, praises, love to Him who deserves all

God bless you, have a blessed 2015! :)

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