Friday, May 1, 2015

Rocky Road



i like the ice cream flavour better than the literal ones


*

tired
physically
emotionally
mentally

spiritually,
i'm not in tact


*


the thing about caring for people who won't (or can't) respond to your thoughtfulness of them,
is that you're investing in a losing battle
you only rugi
it gets tiring after awhile
and even though it is in our nature to love,
at the end of the day we still fall short,
we still are in a hopeless crawl
we cannot love to the extent that is needed of us
because we also crave love in return


and that's why,
i look to You
i look to You
You're King over the earth,
You have put heaven in my heart
and heaven is loving,
expecting nothing in return
You are



*


when friends draw a blunt knife,
and proceeds to cut themselves,
right in front of us,
and expects us to watch and accept
do nothing about it
cause 'it's their life'

nobody will blame me for your death
because you made your own choices
but my conscience will proceed with its own suicide
a long and torturous one
a one identical to yours

and then?

the worst is when a friend you don't really want to care about does that idiotic crap
people you don't really care about,
spreading manure near you
and expect you not to care
"it's their life, not yours"
why do you care?


*


crazy day.
woke up for Moral assembly,
sat through our opening ceremony for our teaching aids exhibition,
found out that APTIS test would be during study week,
panicked about not being able to go back,
went out for lunch,
worried some more about not being able to go back,
watched a movie,
went to the bus station,
worried more because there were no tickets for my friends to go back,
came to a conclusion that we would go back next week and ate dinner.

so tired
been exactly 40 days away from home now
so spoiled


life in all of this chaos,
You're my only hope
and all that i have to offer
is the white flag of surrender